Waiting for hope .......
Journey Of Love and Despair
The moment was still stuck in my mind when i put my 1st right step out of Tibetan border,i just turned back slowly and overlooked the beautiful blue sky and snowy mountains where i had rekindled my love with yangki. Besides after i reached India, the only way that i could see and visualize my country is possible only by closing my eyes. Anyhow, all of you know that it is only my long waiting for hope to close my eyes forever only at the country where i was born and grown up with yangki.
Then with my eye close, i collected pinch of soils from my mother land and i enrolled it by the white Tibetan scarf which was given by my ever loving childhood friend for my safe journey to India. I wished how fortunate it will be if this white scarf is given my beloved parents, but i had never been blessed to experience the love and care of my parents since i was seven years old because the Red Republic of China had 1stly came to our country with smile on their faces and secondly , they had contaminated my country (the land of god )soil with blood and skeletons my country men.
so i had made promised to take these blooded soil to the country where the Lord Buddha had taken birth in order to get it cleansed and nourished with love and compassion of Lord Buddha. Thereby, i can entertain a dream that oone daywe can returned with His Holiness the Dalai Lama to our own country with purified soil in our own hands. It is the dream of most of our brownish tTibetanpeople to see a glance of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Even my heart says that My ever loving Childhood friend yangki is wwaitingfor our hope of rejoined dinner with candle light at Lhasa,The capital of Tibet. Likewise Millions of tTibetanare waiting for hope to see Tibet becoming independent. I am also the one among the millions of tiTibetansho are waiting for hope and for my hope my life's journey of love and despair babag anere.
We started our journey on 7th 1991. At that time, we had nine boys and two gals with one professional guide from Nepal. We paid him almost more than 12,000 Chinese yuan because None of us had any experience of road to India so the only option that we had left is just to obey his demand.I was the youngest in our group and yangki's parents worry tremendous my flee to India. But i had decided to flee to India because i don't want to remain calm at the place where my parents were killed by red Chinese. They raised voices for Human Rights and right to expression and religion. It is account of face that i have a birth right for expression and religion. It is only possible once i had a proper human rights to study modern education and modern technology. SO, i had insisted yangki's parents that i wanted flee top India, a country where His Holiness the Dalai Lama had exiled in March 10 1960.
Though we had our very long jouorney for almost 16 days ,elders never noticed my tears and sweats due to stormy wind and heavy rain. But our group guide and brothers kept on inspiring me to walk and shared their hands for me to walk faster but i just smiled and said "i can make it"...
All of sudden, few torch lights were pointing towards us from a far foggy forest with whistles. We couldn't make out who where ther and why there were waving and whisteling towards us. some of our group senors said that they might our people so,we kept on moving towards them. but suddenly, we heard several gun shots and everyone of us hide silently at place where we stood. They kept on shoting and running towards us. Thereby. everyone whispered by saying .........RUN.............Run............Run........so everybody ran in every direction and because it is quite dark and we could see nothing at all without light. I also ran like a i never ran in my life. It was not that i was fear to die under the hands of chinese but it was fact that i didn't want to die under the people who deemed religion as a poison and i had made few promise to fulfill. I fall two times in the forest and i got too much hurt on my left knees and i couldnt ran fast. i could clearly feel that chinese soldiers were very near to me and chasing us with torch in their hands same as hungry lion chasing the simple deer. In such situation inorder to free from they hands,i blindly jumped into the long bushes which were growing in the mud. Chak.........chak...........chak.....i could able to hear that the chiese soldiers were on the mud soil road with rifle on their shoulders. I couldnot breath proberly while some soilders gazing toward the bushes where i hide. I saw that there were around seven soldiers and all of them were very young.
I kept on hiding for few more hours with praying on my mouth. After while again i heard a several gun shots. I closed my eyes and try to sleep in the bushes but i couldnt coz it is too dark and heavy rain kept on hurting on my face.
At the dawn, most of us were able to gather at the place where we had hide before but it was very sad to seen that both gals were killed by gun shots on their forehead and legs. All got cried and some uncles were shouting openly by saying ..if you are really brave. then come infront and let fights. But our guides had insisted them not to shout beacause we have to understand the truth. so we all silently kept on moving forward to freedom.
I was quite angry when one of the uncles said " It was their karma". Why we Tibetan peoples always blaming everything on karma while something goes wrong. Rather it is because of our own misconception of satisfacting insde the well for staying thousand years without dealing with outside country.why karma doesnt work for chinese even though their killed the human like dog..............
After our twenty days fo continuous fleed through the forest ,snow hills and river,we lost our strenth to walk and vison because the foods that we had brought (Tsampaa dn Butter) were almost finished . Unfortunately, there was nothing we culd buy from the forest ratherthan drinking hot water and forest tea again and again. but,we were very happy during our bonfire at the late nite near the one big river because our Nepali guide had said that only 3days were left for we journey Nepal.
So we all cried ,sang,danced and laughed. We shared each other about our life's secrets. Few brothers were continuously saying that they were so excited to see His Holiness the Dalai Lama, some brothers were crying and angrily shouting that they lost their sister and friends in 1987 revolts, some are showing the marks on their shoulder induating gun shots by chinese soldiers while their had participated in the 1987 revolts.
It was bits cold at night so i stayed silently somewhere corner of the bonfire with sipping my hot water and listening to their stories because y endear mother always advised me not to disturb and bother while elders were talking about their matter. but brother Topgyal, a man with unique personality who had earned experience of working in one of old chinese company for last 5 years.Looked towards me and said " Hey bhoo..come and join the group,we want to know about your parentsand share your secrets for future?." I thought it may be help me to relieve my painof lost parents in the 1987 revolts. I smiled and joined the group by keeping my hot water filled steel kept at side and started narrating.........
It was in 17th august 1987,a very beautiful autumn sunday morning, i neatly dressed in chupa and met yangki at our school music room. She has with our music teacher Gen Topgyal and he called me while he had seen that me standing near the door. he said" we got only half and hour to attend the program, so take this bag to the taxi now and we will be there after while. We had a solo song program at Tibetan Autonomy Department on behalf of our school. I was very excited about the program as we get the chance to see ample of highly reputed leaders and professors. But it didnt happen like what i had expect and instead it turned out to be the worst day of my entire life. I felt the tears and rolling down on my cheeks while i was narrating and even my voice got bits of trembling, one brother asked "What exactly happen on this day?.........
Here it goes, on way to Tibetan autonomy Department the traffic police stopped us be saying that there triggered a revoltat eastern part of Lhas. yangki and myself we both are very unsatisfied and insisted them to there but our music teacher gen Topgyal just nodded his head and asked the driver to turned back to school. I really didnt understand what revolt he was talking about snyhow. But i was more unsatisfied and saddened for what i had seen while we returned.
A thousand of our peoples inculding monks and were gather aned rebelling against the team of chinese troops who were shoting their guns to the our people like a summer rain, a large number of dead bodies of womans and childrens lied on earth and continuously bleeding freom their hands and shoulders. I spontaneously shouted and cried while i saw that our beautiful home had burned and my father's death body lied near our home and keep on getting burned by fire on his head. Neither i could run towards him because lots of troops were scattered all over the place with gun at their hand nor i could stayed back and remain silent because he was my father.
So, i got mad and start run, but my very good friend yangki stoppped me from running and consoled me by taking her home.
I lost my parents in that particular revolt. I had never thought that one day i would become a orphan and had no one left for whom i could ask for help and care excepts yangki's family. I was more thankful to yang's parents who cared me like their biological son. Hence forth i decided to flee India because i dint
want to waist my childhood by staying under the place where my parents were killed mercilessly. Meanwhile i heard that in India ,under the love and care of His Holiness the Dalai lama, youngster like us get a chance to learn modern education to become a better citizen and to speak the world on behalf of our people. As i stopped my narrating, our group brothers hold my hand and consoling me by saying that " Dont be fragile, be a strong man and we all are very sorry about you parents. But such cases were common to many children so keep it in your mind and study hard after you reached India. And try hard to be the man standing behind the His Holiness the Dalai lama for to revenge from these bloody Chinese". I was overjoyed and very happy with their inspiration. Somehow i thought that this bonfire in the dark forest is one of the most remembrance day of my life.
Finally i came to realized that one of the most dangerous and difficult parts of our life had end while we reached safely at Tibetan Reception Centre at Dharamsala. They welcomed us like a chiledren of same family members and care us like a our parents. After 15 days, we got a most beautiful news of our life. It is that we had a His Holiness the Dalai lama visitation on this day and i felt like i am dreaming because in Tibet people were dying to see him since from the last few decades.
He smiled and prayed for our well being and secured us by saying that " Now you all don't have to fear and worry, because you were in free country and our Tibetan government in exile is there to look after for your well being. Now.Now remember the assent situation in Tibet and you should work hard. It will not take too much time for us to go back to our own country,"
While i heard all these words. my heart got filled by full of hopes and inspiration to work more hard for the people of our country.
So, whenever i felt restless about our hope to return to Tibet then i used to remember the tears and blood that our forefather had sacrifice for our country. China might be become more strong in modern global business and military power, but at same time we have a such loving leader who's power of love and compassion is well known for all over the world .So dear people we need to be very sensitive while he is alive,,,it is not about whether you had born in Tibet or in India. But truth is that our people have a no right to speak for their right and and birth for last 50 years. I am telling you the my journey of love and despair to you, just to let you remind that they treat us like a animal.
We all know and seen that thousand of Western countries may standing behind for our cause but it is only us to come first because it is our country and it is our Identity.
I always dream that time is not too far for us to realized our waiting for hope,,,,
Free Tibet .............Free Tibet.............Free Tibet............
